A break from the normal random retardedness on here….
Artist B.O.B. -
again.. ARTIST.. B.O.B. and his band (The Eastsiders) rocked a FREE internet concert from their hotel room in Baltimore tonight. It was streamed on UStream. It was Awesome. I got to ’shout out’ several internet requests. B.O.B. himself actually read several things I posted such as… Freebird! IF he played Freebird the internet would explode… good thing I backed it up though. Cause that stuff EXPLODED tonight. I’ll be posting links to Audio as they become available. Please Don’t ruin my server by reposting this… just post a link to the site or something. Check back for more links:
(sorry if the audio sucks… or has whatever… I hit record and crossed my fingers..i’ve got some extra audio that i’m going to try to clean up, cut into songs and randomness parts and give you an easier way to find the songs you want.)
Thanks to B.O.B., Kyle, D, and the Jack Daniels Drinkin’ bassist!
Have you ever heard a Tomato scream for help as it’s ripped from the ground? Have you ever started to cry as someone slowly chomped a baby carrot into tiny chunks?! I have. I’m here to state that I’m tired of being silent! I’m sick of just quietly eating my cheeseburger while you vile vegetarian torture defenseless vegetables that don’t have the ability of making an audible cry for help! IT STOPS NOW!
Animals and Vegetables
The main difference here is that animals can show emotions and make sounds as needed. If an animal is hungry it begs or mauls a child. If a vegetable is hungry it goes unnoticed until it’s dead or very close to. ”Oh Mr broccoli My bad… I’m sorry I didn’t give you water for a week. I’ll just plant some more of your cousins while you rot…..literally.” If you boil a puppy it will jump out of the water. If you boil coliflower it’s heart will break as it slowly is cooked before your eyes.
Teaching Murder to Kids
Every parent who tells their children to eat their vegetables is pushing these sins further and further. Today its some peas! Tomorrow it’s corn! Next week, your child is beating up his friends and burning churches. Are you really going to be that kind of parent?! Are you really going to raise ‘that kid’? Why not name him Adolf? Hmm?
Health Risks
I’m telling you now that Mad Cow is just left wing propaganda. A quick wikipedia search can tell you that no human being was ever really infected with Mad Cow. Plus! Who wants a cow that’s overly happy all the time? Don’t you hate those annoying people who are always smiling?! I know I do.. and I don’t want my Cow products to be overly happy, I might ingest some of that happy and become one of those annoying people.. Good-lordy! So no real diseases from meat! What about that E-coli scare in them tomatoes?! What about that Hep-B in… those tomatoes?! What about them AIDS in them Radishes?! Yeah…Healthy my ass. It’s just mother nature’s way of getting back at us for all the pain and suffering we put into our food. We like it. We love it! We even added it to our Extra Value menus everywhere! Now you can get Torture on the Go! Don’t forget to up size it so we can take out a whole head of lettuce on your lunch break! SICKOS!
Porn.
Ok So I know this probably got you sick sick vegetarian’s attention! You have no problem stuffing your face with the fears and strife of cute cudily onions but it wasn’t enough! You had to stuff them elsewhere! I had the hard job of trying to find porn involving raw meat…after hours of looking around the web I finally found one cheapy photoshoped image of a female with a steak. However it took seconds to find millions of photos of people naked with vegetables. Clearly if Christians feel porn is wrong, they must band together and stop vegetable savages as well!
As some of you probably have noticed. There was a tiny gap in updates. If you don’t know by now. There was a little snafu where the internet was housed. I personally had to climb a mountain and talk to Zues about turning it back on. I’m not talking about Zeus the greek god. I’m talking about this guy:
That’s right… Zeus from the Hulk Hogan Movie “No Holds Bared” … After I put him thru a table he happily turned the internet back on. I have come to give you this explaination as well as to tell you the updates will return again….but for now this movie of the coolest guy ever. By the way, have your children look away this video may cause a man to flip their faces!
I’m not sure why when we see a giant replica of something that we need to hurry ourselves and stand by it. Like the original artist thought “I KNOW! I’LL MAKE A GIANT VIKING OF THE FUTURE AND THAT WAY… PEOPLE CAN THROW UP A PEACE SIGN BY IT!” … no sir. Admire it, don’t become ‘a part of it’. I think this phenomnia has spread so vastly that it needs its own name. It’s now called “rock-humping” and with this new name. I give to you some examples of how the pros pull it all off. So the next time you’re found face to face with Paul Bunyon and his big blue ox ‘Babe’ you can pull out all the tricks and create the best rock-hump of them all!
Pun-Making
Clearly, this broad wants to point out how huge her vag is. That’s why she’s smirking as she stands next to a large cat. She is clearly taking this to put on her Facebook page to claim ‘I’ve got the biggest puss in the world! I even found one close to being as big but here I am next to it… so this is the proof!’ This is probably the most common rock-hump of them all. Males will stand in front of a statue in such a way it looks like they are having intercourse with a rock creature, or maybe enhance their penis size. But in truth… it’s just a picture. Your Rock-Hump has failed.
Group Activities
The next type of rock-humping is to gather up fellow lemmings and get them to do the same as you. This is probably the easiest to pull of because you could literally do anything. Have everyone stand on one foot by a rock that looks like a shoe! Act like you’re crying next to a statue of a girl doing math! Have two dogs fight next to Michael Vick! …Anything! The problem here is, 100% you look like a group of idiots. You send a photo like this to your mother for mother’s day.. you think she’s going to wave back!? NO! She’s going to frown and climb back in to her whiskey-hole again.
Pointless
This final type of rock-humping is where you do absolutely nothing. You have terrible posture and just stand around or by a statue. You climb up on the statue and give a cheesy smile. You kiss a statue (where I purposely put my balls days before…enjoy.) with TONGUE! It really doesn’t matter because if you’re aiming this low.. YOU really don’t matter. Avoid statues, avoid people, avoid everything because you’re probably bad at it. Bottomline you suck at life. If you find a photo of a friend pulling off a pointless rock-hump… shank them jail house style.
In closing. Rock-humping can be fun while you’re doing it but keep in mind you’re really just ruining some art with your ugly face and forever freezing in time how much of an idiot you are for all your friends to see. Some things just shouldn’t be rock-humped. Case in point.. this:
The United States government has created a program called “CARS” lovingly called “Cash for Clunkers” is in full swing taking older more gas-guzzling models in for up to $4500 credit towards a new car! However.. the question no one seems to be asking is WHAT if anything are they doing with the old cars? The answer…is simple. They are constructing a better, stronger, super soul guzzling … Truckasaurus!!!
If you aren’t sure what a “Truckasaurus” is.. you must have never gone to a monster truck show. Basically it’s a dinosaur made out of old car peices that were melded together by lost children to form the deadliest beast ever to live. I did use the word live, that’s because truckasaurus is really alive. He was struck by lightening like the real frankenstien and now not only walks the earth eating cars and anyone who likes corn dogs but also… SPITS FIRE!!! and if that wasn’t a big enough selling point… sit on this:
You may be asking yourself… why… why would a government build something so terrible and yet so awesome at a time like this?! To end the war in Iraq! We are in a ressession so we needed to grab up all the scrap metal of beat up, maltreated, and evil cars we could find to scare the piss outta any remaining terrorists so that we can build world peace. The only thing that stands in our way… is ASIMO. The robot Honda has been building for years. True Truckasarus is an evil creature. But one with a weakness for robots who sort of look like chicks that can walk up stairs. (see ASIMO)
So.. lets do this friends. The faster we get old cars turned in the faster we can end this terror that’s been plaguing us for so long. Keeping your classic car you and your father helped restore is just stupid. Give up the past and lets build us a dinosaur out of your memories! IT SPITS FIRE!!!!!
I’d like to take the time to get more serious now. I have been doing major amounts of research and I’ve discovered a big linkage between catfish (Pylodictis olivaris) and those humans who suffer from the disease of diabeetus. (also commonly misspelled as: diabetes)
Scientists took a survey of all people with Diabeetus and found that all of them had been bitten by a catfish at one point in their life. “I was sitting on the John when something came up and bit me on the bottom”, Snuggled James McCoy of Royal Oak, MI. “I spun around and saw a flathead catfish just wiskering up at me. I was in shock” Truth is, many just like James have been bitten by these bitter creatures. The youngest known case of Catfish caused diabeetus was found in a 3 year old girl who was nom nom nom’d while on a family trip this past summer. Her mother didn’t know what to do but when she began fainting in between meals. The child was quickly brought in to see Dr. Awesomeface who made the clear scientifically backed discovery that the child would have been fine had she not been bitten by a catfish. (besides being unpopular)
The second bit of proof that lead to the discovery was the fact that all people with diabetus begin looking like a catfish. I once worked with a guy named Dan at a movie theater when I was younger and I’m nearly 140% sure he had the diabeetus, because he looked like a big ole catfish in the face. We used to call him Cattyfish Dan.
Later stages of the disease have been known to actually change the way a person looks, acts, and loves. Jeffery Davis of Apopka, FL lost all interest in making love to his wife and gradually spent more and more time in the bathtub glub glub glubing his days away while checking his insulin. The saddest part of this whole discovery is the final fact that both catfish and diabeetus sufferers cannot play 2 on 2 B-Ball. People who have diabeetus normally loose their legs because of circulation problems. Catfish don’t have feet either. Further proof.
We here at this site are dedicated towards promoting this epidemic to save the future B-Ballers and people who don’t really look all that cat-fish like. If you or someone you know, knows of catfish or has ever been bit by a catfish, have them get checked out and quickly drown them. It’s the only way to stop them from turning in to a catfish. Catfish stink but taste great fried. Don’t fry your friends without your parents permission. I like candy.
Quick Video Update. Even if you’re not feeling the music this video is pretty crazy-cool. I’m suffering from a blood curse thanks to all the Derren Brown Fans out there… by the way if you receive a random box at your door… get rid of it. So Sorry for the weaker update. Once I’m better more updates to come. Till then Enjoy some Nostalgia on me!
By the way… my Grandmother turned 87 Today. …not that she uses the interwebz…but feel free to leave her a note! (unless you hate her. then ignore this…jerk.)
This is probably the quickest and last article I’ll ever write. Derren Brown already knows I’m writing it and will show up probably before I have time to post it but I’d like to try to take some time to explain a few warnings to the world. He may actually laugh at my petty attempt to stop his reign. I also… am hoping his flight gets delayed.. but he already would have known that it would have been delayed and that’s why he’s probably taking a boat. I’m glad there aren’t oceans near by… He’ll probably just make someone his mental slave and have them take me out. Less messy that way. So lets get started.
Derren Brown is probably the greatest Warlock of our time. He claims he is not psychic. However I also claim not to be amazing in bed… Ladies *wink* I think you get the point.. Derren IS in fact psychic! He knows everything before you even thought to think it. He also can hypnotize you and make you do things you wouldn’t normally do. He claims this is just all a mater of persuasion and psychology. However my psychologist never persuaded me into killing a kitten!
In truth, the kitten wasn’t actually murdered, however on one episode of his TV show “Trick or Treat” he manipulated a woman in to pushing a button that from what she knew would have caused tons of electricity to go thru the kitten to kill it. He even offered her $500 to NOT kill the kitten but because of his mind-voodoo she did it anyway!
Derren did a stunt where he played Russian roulette on live television. He did this so people would think he was scared of bullets or death when in truth he’s invulnerable to both. Derren actually eats poison for every meal and washes it down with a tall glass of mustard gas. It helps his hair stay silky smooth, as well as keeps his goatee extra creepy (He made a woman on stage pet it on tv once!). I would strongly suggest you watch this tape to see what he’s capable of!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cjRAcajFte0
I can’t embed it because Derren wont let me. (he’s here now…) Derren wants me to continue with this post and tell you that so far everything I’ve told you is only the beginning. He said he’s got a new show going around in the UK and it’s called Enigma, he’s secretly hypnotizing all of his people in attendance and turning them into mindless zombies whenever he wishes to give the go word. He says you can either be with him or against him… but you should look at this before choosing: (He’ll also give you till the end of the show to change your mind, wouldn’t want to influence you…)
He wanted me to include that image.. I don’t even remember seeing that, he says it doesn’t matter what I saw. He says he will leave me but that if you want to see some crazy stuff you should try and see his shows because they keep getting crazier and in 2010 he’ll be taking over the world with his magic. He also said he would take on Chris Angel in a fight anytime anywhere. I’d like to see that. He let me type that.
I would have never thought that I would end up seeing this movie as it had nothing to offer me other than robbing me of some of my hard earned money and an hour or so of my life. However something caught my attention.. a friend told me “A guy gets stabbed with a machine gun in the opening scene!” …this gave me an instant hard on and caused me to jizz in my pants. (except I don’t wear pants at work, but that’s another post.) So after using my student ID from 6 years ago I got my student discount and in I went with hopes of people getting stabbed with a machine gun.
I’ll state this, if someone promises you a movie where someone gets stabbed with a machine gun and the movie you’re viewing begins with a wide shot of a castle where people are hauling someone in using horses… the chances are slim unless you’re seeing the Time Traveler’s wife of anyone getting stabbed with a machine gun. What I did get was a movie filled with rediculous dialogue that lasted the entire film. I guess at this point I should state that if you’re worried about me spoiling a stupid movie like G.I. Joe… leave. seriously. spoilers sorta… a head.
OMG!
At one point in the film a member of the Joes (not to be confused with the average joe’s from Dodgeball) is about to shoot a helicopter from his helicopter, unfortunately the other helicopter was faster and we were given this Gem:
and then…
Akon is in the movie!
I really…don’t need to explain this…
Double Bubble
This is quotes from the movie screenshoted from Youtube:
24 Seconds Brendan Fraser
More Black Eyed Peas Than You Can Handle!!!
Throughout the whole movie there is tons of black eyed peas music everywhere but nothing was more fitting to the ending credits of this great film than…
