I’d like to take the time to get more serious now.  I have been doing major amounts of research and I’ve discovered a big linkage between catfish (Pylodictis olivaris) and those humans who suffer from the disease of diabeetus. (also commonly misspelled as: diabetes)

Scientists took a survey of all people with Diabeetus and found that all of them had been bitten by a catfish at one point in their life.  “I was sitting on the John when something came up and bit me on the bottom”, Snuggled James McCoy of Royal Oak, MI.  “I spun around and saw a flathead catfish just wiskering up at me.  I was in shock”  Truth is, many just like James have been bitten by these bitter creatures.    The youngest known case of Catfish caused diabeetus was found in a 3 year old girl who was nom nom nom’d while on a family trip this past summer.   Her mother didn’t know what to do but when she began fainting in between meals. The child was quickly brought in to see Dr. Awesomeface who made the clear scientifically backed discovery that the child would have been fine had she not been bitten by a catfish. (besides being unpopular)

The second bit of proof that lead to the discovery was the fact that all people with diabetus begin looking like a catfish.   I once worked with a guy named Dan at a movie theater when I was younger and I’m nearly 140% sure he had the diabeetus, because he looked like a big ole catfish in the face. We used to call him Cattyfish Dan.

Later stages of the disease have been known to actually change the way a person looks, acts, and loves.   Jeffery Davis of Apopka, FL lost all interest in making love to his wife and gradually spent more and more time in the bathtub glub glub glubing his days away while checking his insulin.    The saddest part of this whole discovery is the final fact that both catfish and diabeetus sufferers cannot play 2 on 2 B-Ball.   People who have diabeetus normally loose their legs because of circulation problems.  Catfish don’t have feet either.  Further proof.

We here at this site are dedicated towards promoting this epidemic to save the future B-Ballers and people who don’t really look all that cat-fish like.  If you or someone you know, knows of catfish or has ever been bit by a catfish, have them get checked out and quickly drown them.  It’s the only way to stop them from turning in to a catfish.   Catfish stink but taste great fried.  Don’t fry your friends without your parents permission.   I like candy.